Self-Help is the Best Help

 In Indian society, both arranged and love marriages take place. I would like to tell you about two of my old friends and how they differ in their attitudes and basic thinking - Bharat Ram and Shakil Ahmed.
In 1969, Bharat was 24 years old and Shakil was around 25. They were both working in good positions in the management cadre in the Railways, Government of India. Bharat Ram was calm and cool and always had a smiling face no matter what the circumstances. He was very flexible, ready to adapt to any odd situation, and managed his problems by himself. He looked like an innocent boy. His mannerisms and speech indicated that he was a stress-free person. Since he had the responsibility of looking after his family, he never dreamt of getting married.
Shakil, on the other hand, had no financial problems and no family burden as Bharat. Shakil was very eager to get married but no suitable match was found despite the fact that everybody from his large network of relatives and friends had been searching for a bride for him for over one-and-a-half years. He was gradually becoming impatient and getting worried about not finding a wife. But he never took the initiative to look for a match within his own neighborhood. He reached the age of 28. He started to worry that no girl wanted to marry him. He became disappointed and depressed.
Meanwhile, Bharat Ram had sent a letter in reply to a matrimonial advertisement. Within a month his match was finalized and he got married. It took only three months to complete all the social formalities. That's all!
This means it is always better to rely on yourself rather than depend fully on others. It helps in any line of work. We cannot live without other peoples help and co-operation but we should not depend completely on them as in the case of Shakil. The more we depend on others' help, the more we lose confidence in ourselves. Less confidence will invite wariness and thus stress. Ultimately, we will suffer.
Unhappiness will come into our lives and peace will go away. And unhappiness will pressurize us to make the wrong decisions. In this way, wrong decision will not allow us to live a peaceful life
The other day I was in a meeting with my husband and son about a business we have been developing for a very very long time. I was interested, listening, participating, and all of a sudden my mind took me to "fear."

My mind shouted, "This is the same old, same old!" "This business will never open!" "This so-called business is going to put us in the poor house."

Listening to my mind raging fear scenario, I wanted to explode. I was becoming furious. It was all I could do not to say something to my husband and son, something which would have been bitter and destructive. I didn't want to do that. And then I remembered "happiness.

"Stay present." Another voice inside of me said with a kind, nurturing and firm tone. "There is nothing wrong with this moment. Stay present."

I took a deep breath and opened my eyes to what was really going on: my husband and son avidly discussing the business. They were fully engaged. Having fun. Making progress.

"Stay present," the voice reminded me again. "Don't miss the show."

By simply being aware of what was happening within me, and being able to choose the wise, compassionate voice, happiness was once again possible. And the interplay felt enormously creative!

By repeating to myself, "Stay present", I was able to let go the fearful thoughts that had taken me to such a dark, cold place, a place made of nothing but smoke and mirrors. I thought, my mind's fear scenarios are the enemy of the present. Fear scenarios destroy happiness. I left the inner war zone and re-joined the conversation. It was fun, innovating and we made great progress.Stay present is becoming my new mantra. It helps. It really does!

By  pritis  Majumdar

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